I’m Amber.
I’ve also gone by Amby, Bambi, Bambino, Brammah, Bryan, Miss, Monkey, Pom Bear. More recently I get called “Muuuuuuummmmmmyyyyyyyy!” quite a lot. But mostly I’m just Amber.
Just Amber? Hold on a second. I’m not “just” Milo’s mum. I’m not “just” a homemaker. I’m not “just” a pre- and postnatal fitness coach. I’m a sister, daughter, granddaughter, aunty, friend, wife and teacher. I’m a business owner, mother, dog walker, cleaner, household accountant, list-maker and diary-keeper.
Yet I’m not sure I can say I do any of those roles particularly well. (Except for the lists. I’m the queen of making lists and you can’t stop me!)
Like most working mums, I feel like I’m not giving enough of myself to my child because I’m working. But I’m not devoting enough time to my business because I’m mumming. And I’m not keeping on top of the house (at all!) because, well… Toddler. Lovefit. You know.
Sound familiar?
I know I’m not alone in feeling like I am giving 100% of myself to others 100% of the time, yet somehow feeling like I’m only doing everything to about 30-50% efficacy. I never seem to do the fun mum things that I hear my friends do. I never quite get round to making those (really very important, much needed) changes and upgrades to my business. I never have the time to do the gardening / redecorate the sitting room / clear out my old clothes. I’m mainly just surviving.
From where I’m standing, it’s as if everyone else is somehow managing to juggle all these different aspects of their lives. I have friends that seemingly go to work, come home and bake with their toddler, wallpaper the spare room, and cook a delicious meal all before 8pm. And that’s just on Monday. But I know that’s not everyone. Some of you reading this will totally get me, right?
It’s so hard to do it all!
And that’s just it, isn’t it? We are not supposed to do it all! I know this. You know this. Everybody knows this. So what’s to be done? Surely the most obvious thing is to focus on whatever you’re most passionate about and get someone else to do the rest? Easy! Hmmm, not so fast. Perhaps my problem (everyone’s problem?) is that we’re truly in love with all of these components.
I could put Milo into full time childcare, and free up a bit more time to work on my business, but I love that noisy, sleep-thief of a nutter. Before I offend anyone, I’m not suggesting for one minute that anyone who does have their child in nursery five days a week doesn’t love their little darling. But for me that would be moving away from my goal of spending more quality time with him.
I could stop running my business, and devote myself to being a full time mum, but I absolutely love my work. Financial obligations aside, I truly love my clients – each and every one of them – and I wouldn’t want to be without Lovefit. It’s my first baby and something I’m very proud of. I love learning more. I love serving women. I love the friends I have made along the way.
I could sack off the house, and for sure I’m far less bothered nowadays about things looking neat and tidy. They don’t. Any house that contains a big dog, a toddler, and two adults who work full time is never going to look like a show home. We have, however, lived in this house for over a decade now and it could really do with some attention. When you work at home, that space needs to be pleasing. Calming. To use a KonMari phrase, one’s home needs to “spark joy” or at the very least you need to actually want to spend time there. And whilst I see the value of getting professionals in for certain jobs, there is an element of pleasure to be derived from hands on involvement in creating your own home.
If you’re hoping to get to the end of this post and find my magical answer to the million dollar question – “How do I do it all?” – then I’m sorry to report that you’ll be disappointed. Usually I write to solve a problem that I know you have, but today I’m just writing to let you know that I’m no different. I understand your struggles. When you come to me and say “Amber, it’s so hard to eat well” or “Sorry Amber, I didn’t do my exercises this week” or “Amber, I’m so bloody tired” just understand that I hear you. Amber knows 🙂
It’s a tough gig. But together we got this!